I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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