I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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