If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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