I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
