Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
