I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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