Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Green mimosas i think yes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
