Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize