How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
