In the future we'll all be gay
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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