One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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