Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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