they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
