I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
