Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
