my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
