its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
