dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
