Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
