What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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