Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
