At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
