He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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