U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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