We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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