My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
