I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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