Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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