maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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