Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
