it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
