I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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