just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
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I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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