I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
