Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
