Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
