I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
