I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
