Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
