His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
