Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
