my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
