its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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