last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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