And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I intend to get homeless drunk
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
