this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
