i wish my penis had a tongue
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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