Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
