So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I love how my cats smell like pot.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
