....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
