stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
