That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
