Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
