You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
