He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
