I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom