then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
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it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
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YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.