Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
