apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich