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I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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