after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm always down for nudity.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
