I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
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i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?