okay pat passed out under dana's car
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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