he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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