If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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