I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
