He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
