R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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