Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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