I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
