Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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