Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
