Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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