I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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