Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
