i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
